AM I A HYPOCRITE?
I’ve been mulling over this post for a few days, and thought I wouldn’t bother writing it as I know in my heart, I’m not. However, I can see how, to some, it might look like I did a great big post a few months ago about staying true to my brand and not diluting it with other books that don’t fit into the Dark Romance banner and then whoopsy daisy, I go and publish a Romantic Comedy.
And I would agree with you, unless things in August didn’t somehow rearrange my genetic make-up. You see, before August 2016, I hadn’t stared death right in its face. Sure, I’ve had grandparents die, childhood pets, and other family illness that could’ve taken away my mother. However, for some reason, I was able to keep the total badness out and remain in my ‘light, untouched world of life.’
Then I saw two incidents where I literally went to battle with the grim reaper and lost. I cursed him. I went to war with him. And that…changed me. As I’m sure it changes so many people who have lost loved ones who have my utmost deepest respect and prayers.
I was often asked ‘How do you write such Dark Romance? Doesn’t it affect you? My answer was simple. I can write it because I’ve never had to deal with it in real life. I leave my happy world and trade it for a dark and sinister imagination and I find I get the yin and yang balance perfectly. I LIKE being in the dark because once I’m done for the day, I’m back to being a sarcastic wife with a perfect hubby and being so damn lucky.
However, then death came knocking and I no longer lived in such a light and perfect world. There were shadows there. Tears just waiting to hijack me and ruin me. I tried to write Dark Romance, I truly did. But leaving a dark place to enter a dark place…it was just too hard.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t know how to verbalize WHY I couldn’t get into the mind-set I’d always been able to get into. So, I just let it be and followed what my mind was telling me to do and opened a blank manuscript.
And something strange happened.
The light and laughter that had been in my life was suddenly in my imagination. There’d been a switch. I was able to leave the dark and find jokes and funnies again and it saved me. Even while writing a funny sarcastic book, I still didn’t understand how it was possible after so many times I’d tried to write something light and fluffy and it flopped by mentions of murderers and bad men. But this time…wow…SO easy. A full book in 13 days, easy.
And it wasn’t until a friend messaged me on Facebook and shared her tale with me that I fully got it. She said she’d have never been able to write dark as things happened in her childhood and teenage years that meant she could never let herself go into such awful places again. That is why she sticks to romantic comedy. She finds salvation in her imagination and it helps balance that light and dark.
The minute she said that it clicked.
That was what happened.
I now have two sides to my life. I suppose you could say I grew up and finished the cycle of life by the experiences of what went down. I’m no longer naïve, I guess.
And that allowed this other gift to appear. I suppose I’m grateful for this gift (mad and sad and would give it back in a heartbeat if it meant I could reincarnate those creatures I lost) but grateful too that I can cherish this lightheaded writing and always feel close to them.
So, there you have it.
That was why I put Can’t Touch This (rom com standalone) under a different name. Tess Hunter (that I stole from Tess and Q) was chosen because I didn’t want to dilute my brand (as I said at the start of the year) but I needed to write it regardless that it wasn’t what I’m known for.
And the best thing is, I’m in a better place now and can get back to writing Dark Romance and finish DOLLARS (Dollar #2) I’m looking forward to leaping into the gloom knowing that I can find the light.
So there you have it.
Can’t Touch This is releasing in a few hours. I’m pressing the publish button the minute Labour Day is over 🙂 So watch this space <3