*** WARNING ***

This post is entirely for me. This has nothing to do with writing and entirely personal.

I need to post this to get it off my heart that is so, so heavy. I recently lost my house rabbit who has been a part of our life for 8.5 years. If you don’t want to read a sad post, then carry on. I’ll be posting again in a few days once I’m back at work to give an update on DOLLARS and other books in the works. The past few days has been very, VERY hard since our best-friend, fur-child, and favourite creature passed on Saturday night/ Sunday morning in our arms.

Thanks for understanding the depth of my love for this bunny and why I needed to post this.

(names have been removed. typos haven’t been corrected)

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“I LOVE YOU AND I’M SO SORRY”

I loved you from the first time I saw you in that shop window and rescued you from being snake food. You were the best $30.00 I ever spent.

I loved you when I carried you down Bondi road in the cardboard box you came in, knowing that hubby would have a fit when I brought you home without his knowledge. However, it was stupid worrying, he fell in love with you as fast as I did.

I loved you that first night when a tiny face cloth fit you as a perfect blanket. You were so small.

I loved that you slotted into our lives as if you’d always been there.

I loved you every time you ran crazy around our one bedroom apartment, launching off furniture as if you had wings.

I loved you even when you chewed the light cord, short-circuited the house, and singed your whiskers.

I loved you when you were so well-trained and obedient right from the start and even when you lost your manners when hormones kicked in.

I loved you when you peed on hubby as you became attracted to him. You were determined he marry you instead of me.

I loved when we had your female bits removed (ouch, I’m sorry) and you pulled out your stitches three times and were the only bunny who ever had to wear an e-collar according to the vet.

I loved you when you sat on my desk as I ran our business from home.

I loved the noises you made when chewing banana and how your eyes glowed when I bought you fresh garden veggies.

I loved you when you chewed important paperwork and pretended to bite hubby’s play-station cord if you thought you were being ignored (you were never ignored, you cheeky pest).

I loved you when you flopped beside us or at our feet for hours’ worth of cuddles because we could never resist how adorable and cunning you were at wrapping us around your little paw.

CAMPING in Byron Bay

I loved you when you were naughty and especially when you were mad. Your opinions and moods were so well conversed and it made me so happy to see your epic personality.

I loved you when you waited by the back door every morning to go for an explore outside. And even when you refused to come inside, even when I begged.

I loved how you gave us kisses on our noses and cheeks as we spent all night on the floor with you taking turns to show you how much we were smitten.

I loved how you came to sleep in our bedroom in your matching little bed and cover.

I loved you coming on our road trips to Byron bay, Gold Coast, Brisbane, and all around Sydney—hanging in the car with us and trusting us impeccably.

I loved you even when you came on a plane to our new home and peed on my pillow to tell me off and ignored me for two days. (Hubby never got the pissed off treatment).

I loved you when we renovated our house and you’d take off with pieces of stripped wallpaper with us chasing after you.

I loved you when you mountaineered on timber suppliers while hubby renovated walls, and were so curious about everything we were doing.

Renovation Bunny

I loved how you’d brush against freshly painted walls and end up with a white splash on your perfect blue fur.

I loved how you loved us in return and the gentle wonderful look in your eye that spoke of such a pure little soul.

I loved how you always got excited when we talked to you and always greeted us in the morning as if we’d been apart for days.

I loved how every night hubby would come to see you around 3 am just to give you a kiss and make sure you were safe when you were too old to come sleep in our bedroom and chose the lounge instead.

I loved you when you slept beneath my writing chair every day, keeping me company when no one else was home.

I loved how you held my secrets and always understood what I said to you.

I loved your soul—your wonderful, calming, pure little soul.

True love

I loved how you knew when we needed a cuddle and always there with your tiny bunny tongue and sweet kisses.

I loved you every minute, every hour, every day of the 8.5 years we were lucky enough—HONOURED enough—to have you part of our lives.

Even now, my dear little fluff bucket, I love you so damn much. And now, I must apologise because my heart is so, so heavy with guilt.

I need to say how sorry I am.

Sleepy Time

I’m sorry for taking you to the vet and stressing you out.

I’m sorry for agreeing to the bladder stone removal at your advanced age. You were a happy, sweet bunny (old but maintained with your daily pain killers) only a few days ago.

I’m sorry we were selfish enough to need to keep you in our life even if you were in pain.

I’m sorry you had to fight daily with your bladder and tiny bones.

I’m sorry you are gone.

I’m sorry for being responsible because you are gone.

I’m sorry for stealing the few more months/ years we could’ve had together if we didn’t try to help you with an operation.

I’m so sorry, little girl, and I will never forgive myself.

I’m sorry our perfect trio has become such an unhappy duo.

We love you so much. SO SO much.

Sneaked into a motel in Brisbane. Shush, no one knew

We love you with every tear we shed, every crack in our grief-broken hearts, and every guilt we breathe knowing we hastened your departure.

We love you and we beg for your forgiveness. We took a risk with odds that were explained to us that were better than what they were. We gambled on your life and lost.

We lost you.

We’ve lost you forever and…well, that hurts more than words can ever say.

I hope you can forgive us.

I hope you are happy, pain-free, and adored wherever you have transcended to.

I hope you know you’ll forever have a home with us.

I hope you have unlimited cranberries, endless sunshine, miles of soft blankets, and oceans full of kisses until we find you again.

You will never leave our hearts and we will hold you again when our time comes.

Don’t forget us ***** Bunny.

Because we will never ever forget you.

You taught us how to be better people.

Close up of such a pretty face

You taught us empathy, compassion, kindness, and love.

You taught us not to fuss about mess or worry what other people think.

You taught us how to be happy.

We will never ever replace you. We could NEVER replace you. You were one in a billion bunny and we were so damn lucky to have you for the time we did.

We will never stop loving you.

We will never stop thinking about you.

You will always be a part of us until we chase you to the after life.

Love your forever-after broken-hearted parents.

RIP

***

In your memory, today I got my first ever tattoo.

I will wear you on my skin forever. I will see you there while I write. I will have you near me always.

I will love you forever.

I’m sorry. xxxxx