CAN’T TOUCH THIS Surprise Romantic Comedy Standalone!

touch it banner

So…surprise!

I wrote a romantic comedy. The reasons are below. But before I send you off reading…here are the important details:

Yes, I wrote this book.
Yes, I am aware I’m publishing under the name Tess Hunter.
Why did I choose that pen name? Because I’ve always loved the name Tess (from Monsters in the Dark) and Q hunted for her in Quintessentially Q. It fit and I wanted something to show that this book is VERY different from me and not dark AT ALL. Unless you count choking on wiener jokes.
Yes, I dedicated this to my rabbit because I’m a sap like that.
Yes, I’m in LOVE with this story and can’t wait for you to read it.
Yes, I wrote this standalone in 13 days. It was the easiest book I’ve ever written.
Yes, it has lots of sarcasm, sex, swooning, and sensual stuff.
I might have a crush on the hero, just sayin. He’s mine.
And the best part? It releases in a few days!


can't touch this amended
I don’t want to touch it.
I really, really don’t.
He’s egotistical, crass, and my patient’s owner—which makes him totally off limits.
Yep, that’s right. He owns the wiener I’m currently working on.
A wiener dog—get your dirty mind out of the gutter.
I’ve also worked on his spoodle, his cocker-shitzu, and a cheagle—don’t ask. (And no, it’s not a sexual position.)
It doesn’t help that he also represents most of my joint-owned veterinary practice’s small clientele. We’d only just opened the doors a few months ago, and in he strode with a yelping Taco Terrier. One haughty look at our sparkling new facilities, he’d demanded royal treatment, even though I was currently finger deep up a squalling tom cat.
Ever since then, he expects me to serve him.
Any time. All the time.
Him and his revolving zoo of dogs.
One of these days, I’m going to swat him for being such a pompous ass but I can’t deny the way he handles his charges makes me want to see past the ‘do as I say and don’t ask questions’ barking exterior.
But then last week…he caught me staring at his um, cough, package.
His bossy commands switched to a cocky smirk.
He gave me permission to do something I promised myself I would never ever do.
I can touch it.
If I want…
Tess Hunter FB Page (it’s me BTW): https://www.facebook.com/Tess-Hunter-273647889672797/
Newsletter Sign up for Romantic Comedies:http://www.subscribepage.com/s9u9h4
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/b…/show/31281205-can-t-touch-this…

 

Once upon a time, there was a Dark Romance author called Pepper Winters. She had incredible readers who joined her on the dark side for her special blend of torture and romance (yes, they can go hand in hand—after all, isn’t love a very specific kind of torture?) Anyway, Pepper then lived through August 2016.

It was the worst month of her life.

On the 7th of August, she headed to her land to feed her and her friend’s horse. On this fateful 7th of August, the sun was shining, the world was good, Pepper was happy.

Then the world turned black.

The horse had shattered its leg, and it was the worst thing Pepper had ever seen. She won’t go into details, but she was there as the horse passed on and was laid to rest.

She wasn’t alone that day. Her husband was with her. However, the images wouldn’t stop repeating.

A week went by and still the memory of death remained. Pepper found she couldn’t write Dark Romance while her mind was occupied by such pain.

So, she cracked open a manuscript and started typing. Silly, sarcastic, idiotic one liners between a man and a woman who wanted each other. There was no dark undertones or foreshadowing horror, just pure ‘butterflies in the tummy’ flirting and lots of sexual tension. It helped stop those images and for a few days, she was happy.

Then on the 18th of August, her little bunny (who has been her fur baby for 8.5 years, been on road trips, planes, slept at the end of the bed, and was her full time writing partner) couldn’t pee very well.

So, Pepper took her to the vet, saw a terrifying x-ray of a bladder stone and agreed with the vet to do an operation in two days’ time. She ignored the fact that her baby was old, that her instincts were screaming, that her bunny was a cute, happy, cheeky little thing that showed no sign of pain and perhaps try another alternative first.

But vets and doctors know best, so she bowed to expert opinion.

The operation went well. Bunny came home. Bunny refused to eat for 35 hours. Pepper and her husband were beside themselves. They hadn’t slept for three solid days; they gave everything they could to encourage this poor little poppet to keep going, all the while knowing she’d given up. When their bunny passed away, a big part of them passed with her.

Pepper and her husband ran away from home and did their best to stop sobbing at random times and scaring people. And through it all, Pepper couldn’t write. But then she remembered this silly snarky, sexy, little book and threw herself into its pages. She wrote as if her bunny was still there, reminding her to be happy.

She kept going.

And in two weeks, the book was done.

Now, the dilemma.

This book was unlike anything Pepper had ever written before. It had no darkness, no brutal men, no evil side characters. It was pure and from her heart and she didn’t think her readers would want it.

So, she arranged a pen name.

She was going to release secretively and let the book either sink or swim.

But then she went and dedicated this book to her fur baby who now rests in peace all around her. And she couldn’t release under a name that meant nothing. She couldn’t say goodbye to the book that saved her sanity.

So, she made the terrifying decision to claim this book, own the silly one-liners, and stand proudly by with the over use of the word wiener for comedy purposes and say, “Yes, I Pepper Winters, wrote this Romantic Comedy. Yes, I love it. Yes, I never thought I’d ever say those words. And yes, I very, very much want to write another. Because in these pages, I found healing. I found my lost love sitting on my shoulder, nuzzling me with her furry nose.

And because of that, this is one of my favourite books I’ve ever written.”

 

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4 thoughts on “CAN’T TOUCH THIS Surprise Romantic Comedy Standalone!

  1. You should be proud of being brave and standing by your new book, kudos for you!
    And sorry for your losses, only us who’ve had great and loving furry companions understand their passing is heartbreaking and tough.

  2. Thank you for stepping outside your normal author comfort zone. Rom-Com is my favorite genre. I too had a loss this year. My mother passed away this last March. I can’t wait to read Can’t Touch This!

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